Previously Mentioned

It wasn’t that I didn’t care, that’s not why I was never there –
You see, my child, as much as I loved you and your mom,
There were things that had come up and I couldn’t do anything to change it.
I had to leave to keep you safe. You understand? No? That’s okay though,
Because in time you’ll learn that I did what was best for you.

The words slipped so easily from my lips, I had rehearsed ‘em a thousand times.
But what happened next, I’d never expect – it caught me blind sided.
Wiped me out with a deer in the headlights kind of look, like, I hadn’t seen it coming.
And as, previously mentioned, I didn’t see it coming. It caught me completely off guard.

Her deep blue eyes looked me in mine before she began to shake her head,
I couldn’t figure out what she was going to say – but I wouldn’t have to wait long.
“You know, dad, everybody told me you’d come back.” She nodded but that wasn’t it. “They all said you’d come back and try to pretend nothing happened, to pretend nothing was wrong. They said you’d say a few words and try and pretend nothing had changed. But I was three when you walked out on me. Do you even know what that put me through? Do you even know how old I am today?”

Truth be told, I had no idea. Truth be told, I didn’t care.
I just wanted to try and make up for not being there.
Not because I cared about her, because I didn’t really –
Caring about people, even my child, just felt silly.

“I turned 21 two days ago.” She said as she looked me in the eye. “So, you can pack your bags and go crawl back under whatever fucking rock you came from. Because I don’t fuckin’ need none of yours. None of your love, none of your money and certainly… none of your fuckin’ time. It’s obviously too precious for me anyhow… seeing as how you decided to bounce when I was three and came back just now.”

I opened my mouth but the words just wouldn't come out. So I did the only thing I could, I turned around... and walked away.

Suicide that killed the perfect night

It was the perfect night, the snow was falling down -
We sat cuddled beneath the blankets in front of the fire.
You looked into my eyes and smiled and I looked at you,
Everything was going the way I had planned –
Until the phone began to ring, it was the call I feared…
It was the suicide that killed the perfect night.

Looking at you, the memories began to fade.
You weren’t with me at all. You were hanging in an apartment just down the hall.
Was the pain really that bad? Were you really that sad?

Three weeks before, I stood there at your door.
Knocking, banging, kicking, screaming –
I just wanted to get your attention but you paid me none.
You gave me the cold shoulder like I had done something wrong,
I had no idea what it could have been and you wouldn’t say.
Now I cry, remembering that I didn’t do everything I could to make you stay.

“Please, be seated sir.” The officer said to me,
“In her hand she held this. Written on it is your name and number.”
Out stretched hand, paper handed to me. Unfolding it quickly,
I began to read. It was your apology, your admitting your undying love for me.
It was your suicide, your selfish one way ride –

Clenching my eyes shut, I tried to fight it. I couldn’t fight the urge.
Tears began to swell up and make their way down my face,
Dripping from my chin they fell and splashed down before my feet.
Now, I only have one wish… Baby, I only have one wish…
I wish you were here, hanging next to me.