Random Nonsense That Does Nothing... :D

How come I feel like everybody that know me,
Don't really even fuckin' know me -
How come I feel like everybody that say they love me,
Lookin' down thinkin' they above me -

All these motherfuckers can go jump off a bridge,
Get bent, fuck off, and suck a motherfuckers dick bitch.
I really don't even care anymore,
Do what you do, 'cause I don't even care anymore.

I'm intelligent, but that's irrelevant -
'Cause nobody gives a fuck how smart you are no more.
They just sit back and watch that -
Thinkin' about how fast you can grab that cash.

Now, how come -
I'm the one that's trippin', sayin' shit that isn't true.
I'm the one that's fucked this up, and none of this is because of you.

But, you know -
I'm the one that's done all I can to be a man in spite of you.
I'm the one that's done all I can to strive for a better life, bigger house, better view.

[And] How come I feel like everybody that know me,
Don't really even fuckin' know me -
How come I feel like everybody that say they love me,
Lookin' down thinkin' they above me -

I did everything to try and get you to see me for who I am,
I went out of my way to get that paper, ma'am.
Could have just sat back and done shit -
Just said "Fuck it", it would have been easy.
Bitch - Believe me.

Time off...

I haven't written any poetry in a while and probably won't be trying to do so for some time. So, this blog is dead until I feel like writing again.

How come a broken heart is never shared?

The pain fills me up and I swell to the bursting point,
Eyes leak fluids to show I’m sad yet I feel nothing -
I hold on tight to life but I feel like letting go,
I just don’t know what I’m to do anymore.

A broken heart causes one to not care -
How come a broken heart is never shared?
A broken heart causes one to not care -
How come a broken heart is never shared?

She stands there as she looks me up and down,
She stands there like she just doesn’t care.
Can I say I blame her? I really wasn’t what I should have been.
Can I say I hate her? She gave me a life made of pretend.

A broken heart causes one to not care -
How come a broken heart is never shared?
A broken heart causes one to not care -
How come a broken heart is never shared?

The bottle rests upon the counter top,
Empty as the pills begin to digest -
I can feel it all taking effect,
I’m wobbling trying to stand erect.

Waving from side to side,
Barely able to hide the death creeping into my eyes -
You could have saved me,
But you didn’t want to be the hero here.

You could have taken the pain away,
But you didn’t want to be there hero here -
I’m sorry for all that I have done to hurt you,
I’m sorry for all I couldn’t do.

Please forgive me and,
Say a prayer or two.How

Raised Fists and Bruises All Over...

You cry as you lay in the fetal,
I cry as you lay in the fetal -
Raised fists and bruises all over,
I’m sorry for this.

I cannot control my emotions,
And rage gets out of control -
Raised fists and bruises all over,
I’m so sorry for this.

I never wanted to be your Chris Brown,
Never wanted you to be my Rhianna -
But what can I do now?
What the hell am I to do?

[Brain]Dead

You’re deep inside me, penetrating – consuming, hating –
Everything I’ve become is slowly slithering, coming undone.
They’re dancing all around me, unseen by the sane,
I promise you these images aren’t all in my brain.
Knife slides across the veins, down a bottle of -
Percoset and I’m all set, I’m so numb – Going dumb,
I’m straight up retarded for ever believing that we had something –
When something never started; will you prey on my dearly departed?

Wading through the pitch black, I’m trying to find my way back –
But all I find is my mother laying on her back, taking the whole fucking axe –
She’s crying and screaming, begging and pleading, asking for forgiveness,
But I can’t forgive shit. Twisted thoughts are dancing, in my head, all I see. Are. The.
[Brain]Dead…

You whisper soft and slow, can I hear you – can I hear at all?
No; all I hear is my fear deep inside of me. I’m so scared to see.
Are there angels here with me? Because all I see are the demons deep inside me,
They’re penetrating to the core, twisting me, hating me, I cannot seem to –
Cannot seem to free myself from this; I’m gripping the trigger tighter –
Push the barrel to my head. Pull the trigger tighter. Listen to the blast echo in the dark.
Light sparks this and bodies falling around me, I’m not dead –
Somehow I survived but I’m not able to eat on my own, got a tube in my throat.
Pumping all I need into me.

You think I’m fine, because I act fine, but truth is -
The world’s truthless. Hiding behind little white lies.
If you believe; everyone dies. There is heaven and there is hell,
But neither of them is like the bible’s fairytales.
There is Satan and there is God, but both of them are fucking frauds.
One tries to consume you, the other does the same.
Both of them want to control you, use you and in the end –
Both of them will abuse you.

You’re deep inside me and you can see inside me,
So you know what I’m really like. I’m twisted and thoughtless,
And I might not have a heart at all. I laugh when you cry,
Smile when old people die. Because you knew it was coming anyway,
So why get all emotional – anyway?

I’m wading through the pitch black, trying to find my way back –
But all I found was a friend of mine; he took the knife and pushed it hard.
I didn’t even see it coming as the cold metal pierced my flesh,
The knife stuck out of my back – now I’m lying on the floor –
Losing track of my blood as it begins to pour (from the open wound).
I am woozy, can you comfort me? I really can’t see at all; everything is blurring.
Can you hear that noise? What’s that fucking ringing in my ear?

Is it Satan calling? Or is Jesus coming near? I haven’t heard the final trumpet,
So it must not be my time – please tell me that this is nothing – I will be just fine.
I haven’t done nothing – that’s a double negative, I think that line. Rocking back and forth in my chair, I am slowly pulling out my hair. But I, just don’t, care.
You’re watching me; I’m pulling flesh from bone -
Why won’t they just leave me the fuck alone?

Dancing on the Borderline

You’re dancing on the borderline,
Swaying between sane and insane.
You don’t even know what you’re sayin’,
The words are just flowing – free flowing.

In the darkness your eyes are glowing,
Depression gripping tighter and this frown is growing.
Will you pay attention or continue on not knowing?
Never knowing what you could have had.

Had you just stood up and taken your chance,
Instead of just living your life in safety.
Burning this office picture into iris daily.
Your life is so monotone, you can’t escape it.

The will to live on you can’t fake it,
Death is dancing behind you – you can’t shake him.
He’s getting closer and closer,
your time is drawing to a close now.

Before you even know it, the sky goes black –
Family standing around the casket crying.
You lived your life the same way every day,
Never stepping outside the box you’d been enclosed in.

You lived your life in your casket,
now you’ll live your afterlife with it.

Sewed into a broken heart

I keep pain bottled up inside,
Sewed into a broken heart.
Twisted words from my mouth depart,
Designed and constructed just hurt.

Razors edge slides across frozen veins,
Bleeding memories of years insane.
I’m not who I was before, before –
I’m curled up into the fetal on the floor.

Blood all around, the end is nigh,
I was always worried that I’d die tonight.
Cyanide cocktail kills from the inside.

Previously Mentioned

It wasn’t that I didn’t care, that’s not why I was never there –
You see, my child, as much as I loved you and your mom,
There were things that had come up and I couldn’t do anything to change it.
I had to leave to keep you safe. You understand? No? That’s okay though,
Because in time you’ll learn that I did what was best for you.

The words slipped so easily from my lips, I had rehearsed ‘em a thousand times.
But what happened next, I’d never expect – it caught me blind sided.
Wiped me out with a deer in the headlights kind of look, like, I hadn’t seen it coming.
And as, previously mentioned, I didn’t see it coming. It caught me completely off guard.

Her deep blue eyes looked me in mine before she began to shake her head,
I couldn’t figure out what she was going to say – but I wouldn’t have to wait long.
“You know, dad, everybody told me you’d come back.” She nodded but that wasn’t it. “They all said you’d come back and try to pretend nothing happened, to pretend nothing was wrong. They said you’d say a few words and try and pretend nothing had changed. But I was three when you walked out on me. Do you even know what that put me through? Do you even know how old I am today?”

Truth be told, I had no idea. Truth be told, I didn’t care.
I just wanted to try and make up for not being there.
Not because I cared about her, because I didn’t really –
Caring about people, even my child, just felt silly.

“I turned 21 two days ago.” She said as she looked me in the eye. “So, you can pack your bags and go crawl back under whatever fucking rock you came from. Because I don’t fuckin’ need none of yours. None of your love, none of your money and certainly… none of your fuckin’ time. It’s obviously too precious for me anyhow… seeing as how you decided to bounce when I was three and came back just now.”

I opened my mouth but the words just wouldn't come out. So I did the only thing I could, I turned around... and walked away.

Suicide that killed the perfect night

It was the perfect night, the snow was falling down -
We sat cuddled beneath the blankets in front of the fire.
You looked into my eyes and smiled and I looked at you,
Everything was going the way I had planned –
Until the phone began to ring, it was the call I feared…
It was the suicide that killed the perfect night.

Looking at you, the memories began to fade.
You weren’t with me at all. You were hanging in an apartment just down the hall.
Was the pain really that bad? Were you really that sad?

Three weeks before, I stood there at your door.
Knocking, banging, kicking, screaming –
I just wanted to get your attention but you paid me none.
You gave me the cold shoulder like I had done something wrong,
I had no idea what it could have been and you wouldn’t say.
Now I cry, remembering that I didn’t do everything I could to make you stay.

“Please, be seated sir.” The officer said to me,
“In her hand she held this. Written on it is your name and number.”
Out stretched hand, paper handed to me. Unfolding it quickly,
I began to read. It was your apology, your admitting your undying love for me.
It was your suicide, your selfish one way ride –

Clenching my eyes shut, I tried to fight it. I couldn’t fight the urge.
Tears began to swell up and make their way down my face,
Dripping from my chin they fell and splashed down before my feet.
Now, I only have one wish… Baby, I only have one wish…
I wish you were here, hanging next to me.

The Untitled Piece IV

My days feel less than perfect recently,
Ever since that day, the day you went away.
I’ve been trying hard to figure it out,
Just what went wrong? What did I do to push you away?
There had to be something I could have done,
There had to be a way I could have made you stay.

You see I miss the way you smell,
And I miss the way you’d say my name.
You see I miss your big brown eyes,
And the way I’d stare, yet you’d pretend you weren’t aware.

I still have everything the way it was, the day you left,
Time stands still without you here, at least in my heart it does.
And I swear, since that day, I haven’t shed a tear -
No matter how hard I’ve try, this wells run dry.

Please, just give me a sign. Let me know you’re fine.
If you don’t want to speak to me, I’ll stop tryin’.
But you’ve got to let me know - ‘Cause I can’t read your mind.
Please, just give me a sign. Let me know how I can rewind time.
I wanna go back to when everything was fine -
Before the thought of you leavin’ ever crossed your mind.

The Untitled Piece III

The rays of sun shine down from above,
Wrapping us in a blanket of warmth.
Our eyes meet from across the way,
I move forward and she does the same.
Mirror movements as we inch closer and closer,
Mimicking one another in body and mind.

A smile spreads across her face -
My insides twist in knots.
As I’m feeling butterflies,
One thought comes to mind,
How does one win the heart of an angel?

My mouth opens, I go to speak, she pushes me,
Back up against the wall, we embrace.
Her soft lips pressed against mine.
I’m in heaven, surfin’ through the clouds.
This is ecstasy.

Eyes open, it was all a dream.
Why do I have to suffer this way?
Why do I have to continue searchin’?
I’m slowly losin’ faith,
Beginning to believe, I’ll never find the one.
Beginning to believe, I’ll never meet you.

She Embodies Perfection To Me (I don’t care what they say)

With all of her visible flaws,
She embodies perfection to me -
I don’t care what they say,
I’ll work hard every day,
For a simple smile to come my way -
It lifts me up to see her happy.

And the rain falls down,
When she’s not around.
I don’t know what I’m to do.
My mind is foggy and I can’t think straight,
I don’t know what to do without you now.

Please, stay by my side -
I promise never to hide (away).
Please, just stick with me,
Together we’ll always be free.

You look at me and me at you,
Do you feel the same way I do?
Are you looking at me trying to find a way,
A way to break my heart ever so easily.
Or do you truly feel the way I do?

With all of her visible flaws,
She embodies perfection to me -
And I don’t care what they say,
I’ll work my fingers to the bone,
Just to hear her voice on the other end of that telephone.
I’ll do whatever it takes,
Just to make her see,
She’s the only one for me.

The Leaves Are The Same Color As Your Eyes.

The leaves begin to turn a certain shade of brown,
Breaking from the branch they slowly flutter to the ground.
It hasn’t been the same since you left me sitting here,
I’ve cried all the tears I can and now I’m running dry.
Decided not to disappear, no I won’t run and hide.

I’ll continue on through the seasons,
Drifting through fall until I find my reason -
Another reason to live, another reason to fight,
Up until this day, you were the only thing keeping me alright.

My mind is full of memories of you,
Things I should forget but for some reason; I refuse.

Tell me, where did you go?
Are you thinking of me too?
Probably not. Why would you?

The leaves begin to turn a certain shade of brown,
Breaking from the branch they slowly flutter to the ground.
I continue to sit at your favorite spot in the park,
Hoping, just hoping, maybe you’ll come back around.

The Letter

I just wanted to take the time,
To try and write you this letter -
Although, in person I could probably,
Just maybe, I could explain it better.
It doesn't matter now though,
Things are too complicated for me to save you.
You don't need me to save you,
But I'll do my best to remind you to stay true.
Just be you.

Did you get lost along the way?
Stumble and fall down,
Or just up and turn your back on the whole town.
It doesn't really matter to me, y'know,
Because I'd have done the same thing.
Packed my shit and left town,
I would have done the same thing.

But remember, I'm the only guy that's ever truly cared.
I know you didn't mean those things you said, you were just scared.
Scared to think that maybe I'd not uphold my promise to always be there,
But baby, here I am, here I am, I'm not going anywhere.
So just know, when you come back around, I'll be right here.
We can pick these broken pieces up off the ground.
We can move on and...

I know you don't need superman,
But baby I'm just being me. It's in my nature,
To play the role of savior. Call me your own personal,
I'm your own personal, Jesus. I'll pay for your sins,
I'll take the punishment for you in the end.

Untitled 2

The days seem so long,
When all you do is wrong.
Nothing I ever say can,
Wash away the pasts decay.

Hatred a plenty,
Yet still I feel so empty.
Love is something I long for,
But never will I find it upon this shore.

Her eyes are drawing me closer,
Yet her body is pushing me away.
Her arms are pulling me over,
Yet her words are ending it today.

Why can't she feel like I do?
What can I say to change her mind?
Is it just me or is the sky a darker shade of blue?
Is it just me or do I just long for time?

Her face still haunts my every dream,
She was my never ending sun-beam.
She was my, my, my everything,
But now she, she, she means nothing -
To me.

Oh, how I wish that were true,
How I wish that there was more I could do.
Oh, how I wish I could bring her back to me,
How I wish that I could be the one to set her free.

Incomplete

As I sit here alone, I feel like I'm missing apart of me.
But when I'm with you, I feel like I am whole again.
And it is true what they say, everything is ever changing.
Nothing will stay the same. But the one thing everlasting,
Is the love I feel for you.

F**k the Media

Why has the world become so hollow?
Everyone seems so shallow
Caring more about looks than personality
I hate the images being forced upon society
Fuck this falsified reality

Fuck the world that you’ve created
I don’t need your social acceptance
I’ll go on living hated and jaded

So much has changed, morals have been tossed away
The meaning of true Beauty has faded
And I’ve lost my faith today. No more faith in humanity.
The world is full of fake people, (Robots!)
Told what to believe, Given a meaning of Beauty

Fuck the world that you’ve created
I don’t need your social acceptance
I’ll go on living hated and jaded

How far the world has come,
Just to fall apart, It was doomed from the start
And this is how it’ll always be,
As long as the media rules the world

Fuck the world that you’ve created
I don’t need your social acceptance
I’ll go on living hated and jaded

Gomenasai, Es tut mir leid

How can you remember everything I never said?
Using my thoughts against me, so fucked up.
I knew you were cold, but had no clue your heart was frozen.

I apologized a thousand times,
I'm sorry for everything I never did for you.
What more can I do?
I'll apologize a thousand more,
If that's all I have to do. For you.

How do you get inside my head?
How do you make feel alive, then dead?
You got so much control of me, I'll never be free.

I said I was sorry, I'm so fucking sorry.
I'll say again, in different languages.
Gomenasai, Es tut mir leid...
I'm down on my fucking knees,
Can't you see?

I'm broken down inside, I lay awake every night.
Your face haunts my dreams, I'm haunted by images of that night.
Why'd you have to walk away? I said I was sorry.

I apologized a thousand times,
I'm sorry for everything I never did for you.
What more could I do?
I'd apologize a thousand more,
That's for sure. If it would bring me back to you.

Only In The Movies (Dual Perspective)

You stand across the room,
I stand there staring at you.
Almost as though I were plotting your doom,
But honestly I just wanted to get to next to you.
For a few short minutes I tried,
Thinking of how I was gonna make my move.
Too bad I was too slow and he got to you,
A smile on his face showing his perfect teeth.
Something I surely didn't have,
His tight shirt showed his large biceps.
Again, I was lacking.
To be honest, intelligence is the only thing I'm packing.

Why would anybody choose me over him?
Things like that only happen in the movies.
Don't try and tell me different,
Lies like that are only believed in the movies.

I see your picture in the paper,
You're holding onto him.
It says something about a wedding,
Too bad I can't come.
I know you've sent me an invitation,
But I've got better things to do.
Okay, I'm lying.
I'll just be hanging out at home.
A noose wrapped around my neck,
A final tug just to check.
Tip the chair and watch it fall,
Good-bye to everything, I'm ending it all.

How can I believe things'll get better?
That only happens in the movies.
Don't try and tell me different,
That lie is only believed in the movies.


--------------------------------------------------------

I saw you standing across the room,
I tried not to stare at you.
Didn't want to seem like I was crazy,
I waited for you to make your move.
I saw you walking in my direction,
But you didn't make it fast it enough.
Took that as a sign you weren't interested,
So I danced with him.

Why didn't I meet my dream guy?
I guess that only happens in the movies.
Don't try and tell me otherwise,
That lie only gets by in the movies.

I saw your picture in the paper,
The headline said something about suicide.
Why did you have to do it?
You could have just said how you feel.
To be honest, I was waiting,
This entire time for you.
Yes I love him,
But not as much as I - loved you.

Why couldn't things have gotten better?
That only happens in the movies.
Don't try and tell me otherwise,
That lie only gets by in the movies.

Father to His Daughter

An endless dream of wandering,
And I'm left here wondering -
How will I disappear?
Is it going to be just how I fear?
You hate me because I lied,
Daughter, I'm sorry but it's my time.

I can't live forever,
Nobody lives forever.
I told you what you wanted to hear,
Didn't want you to fear.
I'm dying, I'm going away.

I died alone on a Sunday,
I'll rebirth again someday.
You'll see me going away,
You'll hold my hand one last time today.
It's okay if you say you won't miss me,
I don't want you to grieve for me.

Everything

Say don't go,
Grab my hand.
Pull me close,
Kiss me hard.
Don't let go,
I won't let go.

Four letters,
Four simple letters.
These four letters,
Have never felt better.
They mean so little,
They mean so much.
By itself it could be,
Anything -

I love you.
I am in love with you.
You mean everything,
You're my everything.
I want to hold you,
I want to never let go.
You're my everything,
You mean everything.

Walk with me, Talk with me.
Tell me about your day -
I'll tell you all about mine.
I'll hold you close -
Tell you everything'll be fine,
When you're cryin'.

You're the girl of my dreams,
The only one for me.

Am I the guy you've always wished for -
Or do you want something more?

I can be whatever,
Whatever you want from me.
I'll be the guy,
That special guy.
A one of a kind.
Just teach me.

Untitled 1

I stare out the window looking at the world as a prisoner trapped inside a cage. Unsure of what will happen in the coming days, or of the person I will be. I feel alone and afraid, cold and in pain. Nothing I do comes out the way that I had planned. And friendship... love... things that others know, things that others have, they avoid me. Even when I put forth effort, they stay just out of my reach. Forced into the darkness where I now spend my time. Locked inside my own mind, trying to figure out my demons. Trying to find a way to beat them so I can show myself once again in the light. But like I said, nothing I do turns out how I planned.